What if You Were Never the Problem?
You aren’t broken. You exist in an impossibly broken society.
When you reach a certain point in life, you lose patience for self-improvement culture. You’ve tried it all, and you know it doesn’t work.
It does, however, make some people a lot of money.
Self-improvement is a lucrative industry. We read books, articles, and watch videos about how to improve ourselves in an endless variety of areas.
Lose weight.
Heal your trauma.
Get fit.
Increase your longevity.
Improve your focus.
The list goes on and on.
Society is constantly telling us that we are not good enough, so we take the latest course, or implement the latest fitness regime.
We lose the weight, get fit, focused, and embrace our inner child. And we still don’t feel good enough.
In desperation, we turn to our faith, but instead of comfort, are given more demands and requirements. We are told how sinful we are, and how we can never measure up. Our self-esteem takes another hit, and voilà—another area of shame in our lives.
We try meditation and mindfulness, only to find it impossible to quiet our minds in this fast-paced world. Another self-improvement project to work on.
We finally try therapy, thinking that will be the ultimate fix. But it’s not.
Therapy doesn’t heal you. It gives you coping skills, and/or teaches you how to change your thinking with cognitive therapy.
Coping skills are fine, but they don’t fix anything.
Cognitive based therapy is potentially damaging. It is straight up gaslighting in many circumstances. Don’t believe me?
CBT and DBT are all about changing your perceptions. Is that really true? Or are you perceiving the situation incorrectly? There is no allowance for the fact that sometimes the situation is indeed the problem.
We can have faulty thinking patterns, but often, it’s the situation that’s the problem.
For example, if you are in an abusive relationship, changing your thinking about the person or situation isn’t going to fix anything. You need to leave!
ACT comes right out and tells you to just accept your anxiety and move on with your life, pursuing your values and goals. That’s literally what the technique is.
None of these methods actually address the problem. They just brainwash you into believing there isn’t one. Or worse, they convince you that you are the problem.
And then you realize.
You aren’t broken. You exist in an impossibly broken society.
What if you’re okay just the way you are? What if you are just different?
It’s not a sin, you know.
Some of us have the gift of sensitivity. We see and feel the world strongly, and know it is broken. We are the empaths, the HSP’s, and the clairvoyants.
Society would have us believe we are weird or unhealthy, but we are simply awake.
Look at the world in which we live. Things are pretty crazy right now. I think it’s okay, and even necessary, to acknowledge that fact. That’s the only way change can happen.
Our society is toxic, and it’s normal to be upset about that.
What isn’t normal:
Book bans.
Taking away healthcare and food from vulnerable people to give the rich tax cuts.
Abducting people and throwing them into prison without due process.
War, and threats of war.
Authoritarianism and Fascism.
Ignoring the Constitution.
Placing criminals in positions of power.
And those just scratch the surface of how messed up the world is in 2025.
No amount of changing my thinking will ever make me feel better about any of those things. I don’t want to accept those things as normal because they aren’t.
I’m done with self-improvement culture. There is nothing wrong with me. I’m just awake. I’m okay just the way I am, and I can honestly say that I like myself.
If any person, religion, group, or employer can’t accept that—that’s their problem.
I feel like Neo, unplugging from the Matrix. I took the red pill, and now I know. Our whole social construct is what’s broken. Not me. Not you, either.
Dare to take the red pill and wake up. It won’t be easy, but you might just get free.
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Your perspective is interesting.
In a world where I often feel out of sync with others I have known for a long time that I am who I am. In a world where it is expected that everyone will be the same I have maintained my distance and been me. It has been difficult at times but it is what is necessary to live my life the way I see it.
Thank you for your clarity on the subject. It has been refreshing.
This is excellent, Lisa. My feelings, exactly. As “awake” as I am, though, I’m starting to crack in places. We must stay vigilant. I guess.