To Find Joy, Let Go of Expectations
It is one of the bravest, most healing things you can do for yourself
Since my mother’s death, I’ve been wrestling with my mortality. I’m keenly aware that there are fewer days ahead than behind, and I want to make the most of them.
They say comparison is the thief of joy, but expectation is a close second. When we let expectations paralyze us, we never even attempt something new.
That is a huge mistake.
It’s normal to think, “What if I fail?” Well, what if you don’t? And what if that new activity brings you hours of joy?
Take it from a recovering perfectionist—one of the bravest things you will ever do is to attempt something you know you will do badly.
There’s no risk doing something at which you excel. There’s also no sense of accomplishment. It’s easy to play it safe, but you don’t have to do an activity perfectly for it to enrich your life.
Want to learn how to draw, paint, or play a musical instrument? Perhaps you’ve always wanted to try community theater or learn to line dance. Listen to that desire.
You must be willing to stink at something first. Few people have the natural talent to do any of these things well without a lot of practice.
So what?
Have the guts to stink at something you enjoy.
We also face the expectations of family, work, and society. There is pressure to become a people pleaser, but if you do, you will lose yourself in the process. Trust me, I’ve been there.
I loved my mother dearly, but when she died, I had to begin the process of separating “me” from “her.” We were very interconnected—to an unhealthy degree.
All of a sudden, this major influence in my life was gone. It was both freeing and frightening. I literally had to step back and figure out who I was without her.
I’m just now realizing how much I changed myself to try and make her happy, and I’m working to reclaim those pieces of myself.
It’s easier to keep the peace, but the price is your joy.
I’m old enough to realize how short life truly is—too short to worry about what other people think.
I wasted too many years trying to please other people and make them like me. Now that I’m older, I don’t care.
It’s more important that I like myself—and I do!
I’m going to do activities I enjoy, even if I’m not very good at them. At the end of the day, who cares?
We can choose to enjoy our lives, even in the midst of sorrow.
We can choose joy.
Who cares if I sing off-key, or play the wrong note? Who cares if my perspective is off in a drawing? And who cares if I turned right when I should have turned left while line dancing?
Most things aren’t as important as we think. The world won’t come to an end because we mess up. Life will go on, even if we make a mistake.
Have the guts to let go of expectations and do what interests you. Be feisty enough to be yourself and not care what anyone else thinks.
Letting go of expectations (yours and those of others) is one of the bravest, most healing things you can do for yourself.
If you’d like to support me with a one-time tip, you can buy me a coffee.
Learning to live for yourself when you have spent your lifetime living for others is a brave thing to do, but you are right, it can be frightening indeed. We have to learn to live in a completely different way!
"I'm just now realising how much I changed myself to try and make her happy, and I'm working to reclaim those pieces of me."
In this one sentence I reconnected via remote viewing with my own daughter and how her relationship with her mother is the same as my unhealed relationship was with my deceased father.
Thank you 🙏